October 2009

OCTOBER 19
Today I met with the surgeon again. She gave me a little more specific info on my cancer.
GOOD NEWS: I caught the cancer in the early stages (Stage II)
BAD NEWS: It moved to one possibly two lymph nodes under the arm pit.

RECOMMENDATIONS: The type of cancer I have is a common and highly treatable but highly likely to come back later in life if drastic measures are not taken to prevent it. the dr. recommends removal of the lymph nodes as well as a double mastectomy (eventually reconstructive surgery) and chemo. I may need radiation if we find additional lymph nodes so I need to wait on the reconstruction.

I was in shock. I thought I prepared myself for this but I don't think you can ever really be prepared for this type of news. While she was telling me the results I was fine, when she started telling me treatment recommendations I almost passed out. I couldn't see anything but dots, my hearing was fading, I was sweating bullet's and could hardly hold myself up. Apparently this is common and a sign of shock. I feel fine now, just have a lot to figure out in the next few days.

Oct 12
Today I had my appointment with the surgeon to get the results of the biopsy. I took the kids with me because I just thought it was going to be a quick in and out thing. My mom wanted to be there for support. I told her she was crazy and I was fine but she insisted...as most moms would. I figured it was another cyst since I had one removed this summer. Unfortunately, I was wrong, I was diagnosed with breast Cancer. My eyes filled with tears as I tried to process what she just said. I tried my best to hold myself together. I couldn't look over at my kids (age 1 and 2) sitting on grandmas lap. All I could think about was that I wasn't going to let my kids grow up without their mom. Who would teach them how to ride their bike? Who would help them with their homework and embarass them in front of all their friends when they become teenagers?

We left the doctor's office and I called my husband to tell him the news. He was quiet, I didn't say much either. He came home from work early and we started figuring out what steps we would take next.

Overall, I am doing well but have my moments where it hits me and I need a good cry (or an oreo) then I am back to fighting mode. I know they have a lot of successful treatments so I am staying positive. It just seems like a bad dream.

Riley (2yrs old) keeps making me laugh which brings my spirits up. When we got outside the doctor's office and Riley says, “I don’t like that lady that made you cry.” It made me smile. Then in the lobby of the dr.’s office, she told other patients waiting to see the dr. her mommy had a boo boo on her boobies. Got to love the random comments from the 2 yr. olds!

October 9
Monday I met with the general surgeon who will be removing the lump on my breast. Today she will remove the lump. It should be a quick in and out procedure. We decided to fly my mom out for the surgery to help with the kids.

October 1
In Aug less than 1 month after my 29th birthday I found a lump on my breast while doing a self breast exam. Like most people my age I rarely ever did a self exam except for the month or two following my yearly exam. I had recently learned a friend of mine had breast cancer. Like me, she was a runner and lived a healthy lifestyle. I emailed her to see if she could run the 13 mile race I had signed up for since I had something come up which prevented me from running. We had not talked for several months and when she responded to my email, she told me she has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. She was currently going through chemo. I was in shock. I expected this from someone who smoked, someone older but not my friend who on a regular basis spent her free time running marathons. That was what sparked me to do my self breast exam. That is what may have saved my life!